Ask Kim – February 25

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I have a friend who is being abused by her boyfriend and I don’t approve of him because I want her to be happy and I know she deserves better. My friend is upset with me because I don’t talk to or hang out anymore with her and I do not allow her boyfriend at my house however I miss their children very much. I can’t force her to leave him and I still want to be a part of children’s life, what should I do?



Dear Anonymous,

My first thought is – why would she put up with abusive treatment from anyone?  She needs to start taking a martial arts class and show him a thing or two.  I’m always amazed what women will put up with from a man in the name of love.  If a female was being abusive towards her, she’d probably end that relationship immediately.

Seriously though, abusers typically continue to abuse without some type of professional intervention.  I’m guessing you don’t hang out with her anymore because the boyfriend is part of the package?  Can you spend time with her and the kids without him being around?  If so, please do that because you may be the only outlet she has to feel secure.  It’s unfortunate that she doesn’t (or isn’t) able to recognize the harm, both physically and mentally this causes her and her children.  If you know something bad is happening, you can certainly call the police on her behalf.  I learned long ago, no matter how much you want to help, people make their own decisions.  Hopefully, your friend will get out of this bad relationship before serious harm comes her way.  Until then, all you can do is be there for her.  Let her know she has options for help.  You may be all she’s got, and it would be awful is she lost you.

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