Ask Kim – March 15

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Dear Kim,

My girlfriend and I have lived together for almost three years.  She talks about us getting married all the time.  I love her, but she doesn’t come without some baggage and I guess you could say the same about me.  She has trouble staying employed for a variety of reasons.  She’s probably had six jobs in the past two years.  We share responsibility with the bills of everyday life.  Rent, utilities, groceries, etc.  She came home yesterday with a new car.  No discussion, no talk about her getting a new car, nothing.  I’m just not certain that I want to marry someone who behaves this way.  Am I wrong for feeling this way or is this a sign of things to come?



Dear D’Artagnan,

Let’s see, you’re in a “committed” relationship with no conversation about financial commitments?  That says “I’m independent” to me!  We’re not talking about buying a new pair of shoes.  She bought a new car for Pete’s sake.

Seriously though, past and current behavior speaks volumes about an individual.  People are usually pretty predictable.  Now, don’t get me wrong, people do grow and can change.  But it seems to me your gal is used to being independent and that probably won’t change.  If she didn’t tell you she was buying a car, I can only guess she doesn’t expect you to pay for it.  You must not share your finances on that kind of level.  Her job status is kind of iffy, but she must think she can pay for a car. 

Again, I can only guess, but I would venture it’s her independent nature that you find appealing.  It seems like whatever you’re doing is working.  Why rock the boat?  My advice is this – never, ever get talked into getting married.  Get married when you’re ready.  Not when someone else thinks you should. Good luck. 

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