Ask Kim speaks to open marriages

Page 2 Advice
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Dear Kim,

My husband just shared that he wants us to have an open marriage.  He says he still loves me.  He says he doesn’t want a divorce.  He says he just wants to be able to pursue other partners to “keep up” with his sexual desires.  Talk about a blow to my heart and ego. 

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now.  We didn’t talk about what that would look like if I decided to have other partners.  Our conversation was focused only on his wants and needs.  I guess he must feel it’s okay for me to sleep around too!  I love this man and don’t want to leave him.  Where do we go from here?

Anonymous

Topeka

Dear Anonymous,

To quote Queen Bey: 

To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left (mmmmmm)
To the left, to the left

Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that’s my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, please don’t touch (Don’t touch)
And keep talking that mess that’s fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And, it’s my name that’s on that jag
So come move your bags, let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard
Tellin’ me, how I’m such a fool
Talkin’ ‘bout, how I’ll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me, you must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter of fact, he’ll be here in a minute, baby
You must not know about me, you must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking
You’re irreplaceable…

This would be my response to a request for an open marriage.  Ha!

Seriously though, just because I’m of that mindset, doesn’t mean monogamy is right for everyone.  Many couples are redefining marriage and doing what works for them.  Everything I’ve read about open marriage says ground rules are important.  The term “open marriage” or “open relationship” is a very broad.  There are many open relationship options (who knew!?)  Like you said, he didn’t address what he thought your role in this “open marriage” might be.  That’s where the ground rules come into play.

If you decide this might work for you, remember you get to decide what you’re comfortable with allowing.  You both need to have an in-depth conversation about what’s okay for each of you.  Couples choose this lifestyle for a variety of reasons and it can work.  If you decide it’s not for you, know that’s okay too. 

Good luck!

Have a question?  Ask Kim!    https://www.ksnt.com/ask-kim-a-question/

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