To forgive or not to forgive, that is Kim’s question

Page 2 Advice
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Dear Kim,

Can you ever really forgive a cheater?



Dear Anonymous,

Here’s the trouble.  There are varying degrees of cheating.  From flirtatious emails, one-night stands, or an on-going affair.  Depending on the violation, forgiveness can be harder to grant.  I’m more of a “do me wrong” and I will remember the wrongdoing for the rest of my LIFE kind of girl!  But you didn’t ask me about remembering.  You asked about forgiving. 

The pain that accompanies a violation of our trust is hard to get over.  For most for us, the forgiving part doesn’t come easy.  I know I can hold a grudge for a long, long time. 

Seriously though, what I have learned is that forgiveness isn’t about them.  Forgiveness is about you!  Forgiveness allows YOU to move forward.  How you choose to move forward in a relationship is entirely up to you.  Some couples decide that their relationship is important and agree to work toward rebuilding the trust.  Others decide they have drifted too far apart and go their separate ways.  Again, forgiveness allows you to move forward in whatever direction you decide.

It’s been over a decade now, but I recall in the Sex and the City movie, Carrie kissed Aiden (her past boyfriend) while visiting Abu Dahbi.  She called Big (the man she lives with) and told him about the indiscretion.  He was upset of course.  He didn’t pick her up from the airport and wasn’t there when she got home.  In the end, he forgave her, and they moved forward together.  People make mistakes.  Some mistakes are life-changing, others aren’t.  Long story but you certainly can forgive.  Just don’t forget.  😉

Have a question?  Ask Kim!

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